Where Have You Gone, Paris Climate Accords? A Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes To You (Woo, Woo, Woo) “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? – Luke 11:11-12 During World War II, there was the Axis powers, Japan, Germany, and Italy. George W. Bush coined the phrase the Axis of Evil, North Korea, Iran, and Iraq.  I would love to say that Donald J. Trump is part of the Axis of Stupidity, but it is just Trump. When it comes to the environment, Trump is truly leading the Singularity of Stupidity all by himself.  There have been moments during the Trump administration where I have awoke and fully expected to find a loin-clothed Charlton Heston acting like he just ate a plate of lutefisk, pounding the ground, screaming, “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!” This is no truer than when the United States pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord last week.   For you Bernie bros, those idiots out there that kept on spitting up the “lesser of two evils” pabulum, and voters of conscious, I am sure your great-great grandchildren will take great comfort in your ideals when they are vacationing off the coast of Colorado. For you fundamentalist Christians out there who believe that we cannot possibly destroy the planet, Jesus is not going to don a speedo, fins, and snorkel, and save us from our own stupidity.  That is not the way the Big Guy works.  He is not divine Godot, who is going to show up in the final act to untie us from the railroad tracks we have handcuffed ourselves to.  For you young people out there to who are too jaded and lazy to be informed and vote, when you are elderly it will be your used beer can of a world. So, just enjoy it and remember, “Soylent Green is people.” For you old white men with prostrates large enough to pack a van in, who for decades could not program your flashing “12:00” VCR clock but suddenly became Mr. Wizard when it came to man-made climate change being a hoax, go kick your grandchild, you know the apple of your cataract filled eye, in the backside one more time for me.  You might not be around in a decade or two to admit you were wrong, but when your great-great grandchildren are were their asbestos swim trunks to the pool, I am sure they will do that for you.   I know, I know, “But her emails.” Given President Baby Huey’s rampages since he plopped his drive-in movie screen sized backside down in the Oval Office, I am pretty sure that will be the inscription on humanity’s tombstone. He pretty much wants to do to the earth what Billy Bush and him wanted to do to women on their bang bus, except he is not even bothering to pop a Tic-Tac or two.   Even though our fearless leader believes that man-made global warming is some sort of April Fools Day joke, it is settled science. Scientists are not tricking us. There was not a meeting somewhere where a whole bunch of guys and gals in lab coats got together and decided to pull a fast one on the good ol’ U.S.A. It is not China ringing our doorbell and leaving a flaming bag of doggy doo on our front steps. Canada already did that when they gave us Justin Bieber. The choice is whether we take constructive steps to slow things down or act like the dance band on the old Titanic. We are going down, but lets have a swinging time until Leonardo DiCaprio becomes a popsicle. It might be too late. Climate change might be like a whined up toy set into motion. It is not going to stop or slow down until all the tension in the spring has gone away or it hits the wall. Still, I still have this half-foolish notion that we are American and we fight the good fight even if we are the last ones standing. Dumb, I know. On December 15, 2015, one hundred ninety-six nations got together and agreed that something had to be done about climate change. You could not get 196 countries together to choose chicken over steak for lunch, but somehow they agreed that they needed to do something about the environment.  Do you realize how amazing that is? That includes North Korea, the world’s crazy uncle who wraps his head in tinfoil and searches the air for chemtrails, France, who other nations want to disagree with because they are basically, well, France, and Australia, who thought the Bee-Gees and Yahoo Serious were a good idea. Even the Arabs and Israel were in agreement. They want to save the planet so that they can be ones to kill each other, not Mother Earth. Only Syria and Nicaragua did not sign on, and it is not because they did not believe they don’t believe climate change is real. The Nicaraguans didn’t like it because they believe “voluntary responsibility is a path to failure.” In other words, they wanted some teeth in the agreement. Syria, well, Syria has more pressing matters to worry about like finding a road that does not have a bomb crater in it or a building that still has all four walls intact. Nobody is going to be vacationing for six nights and seven days at Hotel Syria.   The whole world got together and agreed to "[h]olding the increase in global average temperature to well below 2 degrees C above pre-industrial levels ..." It was all voluntary. It was just basically every nation agreeing not to wreck our house like a bunch of teenagers having a party. No one suspected that a little more than two years later a naked Donald Trump would be wiping his backside with the living room curtains as he wonders why no one is enjoying the cheese dip. The average world temperature has already risen 1 degree C since the industrial revolution, which is why polar bears will probably have their own swimming team at the next Olympics. For those of you dumb enough to say, “Of course climate changes, it changes all the time,” that is true, but we know why it has changed in the past. You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes playing a game of Clue to figure out why this change has occurred.    The United States military loved the agreement because they realized that a warmer planet with more unpredictable weather is going to lead to resources wars, terrorism, and an much more unsafe nation and allies that they will have to protect.  All the futuristic tech and computer companies were in favor of it. Even Exxon-Mobil, which is like a children’s party, sexually molesting clown supporting tougher pretender laws, was onboard. Its supporters were not just Star Trek nerds, tree-hugging hippies and women who don’t shave their armpits, you know, the base of the Democratic Party.  But the man with the cotton candy hair comb over knows better. Welcome to Logan’s Run carousel. It is the time of renewal.  He was elected “to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris.” Don’t tell anyone, but there is this thing called a globe. What affects one has an effect on the other. They share the same trash dump known as a planet. As a child, there were certain passages of the Bible that I puzzled over. Luke 11:11- 12 was one of them. I never understood what kind of sick parent would give their child a snake instead of fish or a scorpion instead of an egg. Even the worst parent I have ever met would not hand their child a poisonous creature that could kill them. It was not until I began diving around the world that I realized that so many fish, especially eels, look like fish and a white scorpion if you are not paying attention looks like an egg. A snake could easily slither into a basket of fish or a scorpion crawl onto a basket of eggs in a dusty Middle Eastern market. Your child is hungry, crying and carrying on, you’re busy, and you reach over and hand them what you think is an egg or a piece of fish. Then comes that deafening silence with the crying ceases. I am sure it was a common horror story in Jesus’ day. It is probably why he used them as examples.  Now, I know a lot of you don’t believe manmade climate change is real. What if you are wrong? What if you are handing your great-grandchildren a scorpion or snake instead? I don’t know how I could live with myself if even by accident I did that to someone I love. How would you live with yourself? I wonder how Trump would live with himself.  
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Where Have You Gone, Paris Climate Accords? A Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes To You (Woo, Woo, Woo) “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? – Luke 11:11-12 During World War II, there was the Axis powers, Japan, Germany, and Italy. George W. Bush coined the phrase the Axis of Evil, North Korea, Iran, and Iraq.  I would love to say that Donald J. Trump is part of the Axis of Stupidity, but it is just Trump. When it comes to the environment, Trump is truly leading the Singularity of Stupidity all by himself.  There have been moments during the Trump administration where I have awoke and fully expected to find a loin-clothed Charlton Heston acting like he just ate a plate of lutefisk, pounding the ground, screaming, “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!” This is no truer than when the United States pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord last week.   For you Bernie bros, those idiots out there that kept on spitting up the “lesser of two evils” pabulum, and voters of conscious, I am sure your great-great grandchildren will take great comfort in your ideals when they are vacationing off the coast of Colorado. For you fundamentalist Christians out there who believe that we cannot possibly destroy the planet, Jesus is not going to don a speedo, fins, and snorkel, and save us from our own stupidity.  That is not the way the Big Guy works.  He is not divine Godot, who is going to show up in the final act to untie us from the railroad tracks we have handcuffed ourselves to.  For you young people out there to who are too jaded and lazy to be informed and vote, when you are elderly it will be your used beer can of a world. So, just enjoy it and remember, “Soylent Green is people.” For you old white men with prostrates large enough to pack a van in, who for decades could not program your flashing “12:00” VCR clock but suddenly became Mr. Wizard when it came to man-made climate change being a hoax, go kick your grandchild, you know the apple of your cataract filled eye, in the backside one more time for me.  You might not be around in a decade or two to admit you were wrong, but when your great-great grandchildren are were their asbestos swim trunks to the pool, I am sure they will do that for you.   I know, I know, “But her emails.” Given President Baby Huey’s rampages since he plopped his drive-in movie screen sized backside down in the Oval Office, I am pretty sure that will be the inscription on humanity’s tombstone. He pretty much wants to do to the earth what Billy Bush and him wanted to do to women on their bang bus, except he is not even bothering to pop a Tic-Tac or two.   Even though our fearless leader believes that man-made global warming is some sort of April Fools Day joke, it is settled science. Scientists are not tricking us. There was not a meeting somewhere where a whole bunch of guys and gals in lab coats got together and decided to pull a fast one on the good ol’ U.S.A. It is not China ringing our doorbell and leaving a flaming bag of doggy doo on our front steps. Canada already did that when they gave us Justin Bieber. The choice is whether we take constructive steps to slow things down or act like the dance band on the old Titanic. We are going down, but lets have a swinging time until Leonardo DiCaprio becomes a popsicle. It might be too late. Climate change might be like a whined up toy set into motion. It is not going to stop or slow down until all the tension in the spring has gone away or it hits the wall. Still, I still have this half-foolish notion that we are American and we fight the good fight even if we are the last ones standing. Dumb, I know. On December 15, 2015, one hundred ninety-six nations got together and agreed that something had to be done about climate change. You could not get 196 countries together to choose chicken over steak for lunch, but somehow they agreed that they needed to do something about the environment.  Do you realize how amazing that is? That includes North Korea, the world’s crazy uncle who wraps his head in tinfoil and searches the air for chemtrails, France, who other nations want to disagree with because they are basically, well, France, and Australia, who thought the Bee-Gees and Yahoo Serious were a good idea. Even the Arabs and Israel were in agreement. They want to save the planet so that they can be ones to kill each other, not Mother Earth. Only Syria and Nicaragua did not sign on, and it is not because they did not believe they don’t believe climate change is real. The Nicaraguans didn’t like it because they believe “voluntary responsibility is a path to failure.” In other words, they wanted some teeth in the agreement. Syria, well, Syria has more pressing matters to worry about like finding a road that does not have a bomb crater in it or a building that still has all four walls intact. Nobody is going to be vacationing for six nights and seven days at Hotel Syria.   The whole world got together and agreed to "[h]olding the increase in global average temperature to well below 2 degrees C above pre-industrial levels ..." It was all voluntary. It was just basically every nation agreeing not to wreck our house like a bunch of teenagers having a party. No one suspected that a little more than two years later a naked Donald Trump would be wiping his backside with the living room curtains as he wonders why no one is enjoying the cheese dip. The average world temperature has already risen 1 degree C since the industrial revolution, which is why polar bears will probably have their own swimming team at the next Olympics. For those of you dumb enough to say, “Of course climate changes, it changes all the time,” that is true, but we know why it has changed in the past. You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes playing a game of Clue to figure out why this change has occurred.    The United States military loved the agreement because they realized that a warmer planet with more unpredictable weather is going to lead to resources wars, terrorism, and an much more unsafe nation and allies that they will have to protect.  All the futuristic tech and computer companies were in favor of it. Even Exxon-Mobil, which is like a children’s party, sexually molesting clown supporting tougher pretender laws, was onboard. Its supporters were not just Star Trek nerds, tree-hugging hippies and women who don’t shave their armpits, you know, the base of the Democratic Party.  But the man with the cotton candy hair comb over knows better. Welcome to Logan’s Run carousel. It is the time of renewal.  He was elected “to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris.” Don’t tell anyone, but there is this thing called a globe. What affects one has an effect on the other. They share the same trash dump known as a planet. As a child, there were certain passages of the Bible that I puzzled over. Luke 11:11- 12 was one of them. I never understood what kind of sick parent would give their child a snake instead of fish or a scorpion instead of an egg. Even the worst parent I have ever met would not hand their child a poisonous creature that could kill them. It was not until I began diving around the world that I realized that so many fish, especially eels, look like fish and a white scorpion if you are not paying attention looks like an egg. A snake could easily slither into a basket of fish or a scorpion crawl onto a basket of eggs in a dusty Middle Eastern market. Your child is hungry, crying and carrying on, you’re busy, and you reach over and hand them what you think is an egg or a piece of fish. Then comes that deafening silence with the crying ceases. I am sure it was a common horror story in Jesus’ day. It is probably why he used them as examples.  Now, I know a lot of you don’t believe manmade climate change is real. What if you are wrong? What if you are handing your great-grandchildren a scorpion or snake instead? I don’t know how I could live with myself if even by accident I did that to someone I love. How would you live with yourself? I wonder how Trump would live with himself.