The Astronaut Farmer

Billy Bob Thornton, Virginia Madsen

If you want to be a success in life, I am going to give you the best piece of advice you will ever receive. Before you begin the climb, you need to know this. It is help with your ascent. You can focus on your bellybutton, sit at the feet of the Buddha, or be mentored by some gin-swilling 3-piece suit, and you will not hear this piece of wisdom. I should be charging $19.99 for this. Are you ready? Have I put this off long enough? Here we go... People are lazy, even if it is their job, so make it easy on them.

What? That is your great stroke of wisdom. People are lazy. That is supposed to help me in life? Yes. Want to have a happy marriage? Look at the poor slob lying next to you in bed. Make it easy on him or her. Expect him or her to make you happy or turn the house into a three-ring circus because you cannot get yourself under control financially or emotionally, he or she will check out of the relationship long before bags are packed and feet hit the floor. “We've grown apart” really means one or both of you were too lazy to do the work necessary to stay a tune to each other’s lives. Want A's in school? You can be as dumb as George W. Bush, Jessica Simpson, and Paris Hilton on an all-star edition of Jeopardy and still be on the Dean's List. Just make it as easy as possible for the teacher standing up front who looks like they drink their lunch out of a brown paper bag. The difference between an A and a C student is presentation. Make sure your central ideas are clear and easy to follow. Write them out. Spell everything correctly. Type everything you can. Sit near the front and pretend that his or her lectures are not so boring that it makes you want to put the muzzle of a gun in your mouth. Want to climb the corporation ladder or be the best salesman in the company? Shine your shoes, press your pants, and make sure your tie is straight. If people have to work to see your product, your company, or you as a success or something they want to buy into, 99 out of 100 times you have lost the war. The sale is usually made before you ever open your mouth. Our entire capitalist system is based on this little secret from the garage door openers to the VCR constantly flashing 12 o'clock to making sure Jennifer Lopez is wearing the right brand of blue jeans to the pills we take because we don't want to eat and live healthier. It is why McDonald's with its grayish-looking patties that could be meat has more consumers than a mom and pop operation that might be incredible but you don't know the quality before walking in the front door. It is why Noam Chomsky will never be as popular as Rush Limbaugh and why Republicans have bitch-slapped Democrats at the polls for the last 35 years. War on terror, death tax, cut and run, weapons of mass destruction, the Patriot Act, flip-flop, teach the controversy, evil doers, hate America crowd; all have you nodding your head in agreement until you have done the research to realize the person mouthing those words is full of crap.

It is why our Congress only worked 2 days a week and our President didn't bother to do the basic research and planning before invading a country and filled the government with unqualified cronies. All because the press never bothered to ask the basic questions that their jobs required them to do. It is how the Neo Cons sold the war. We would be greeted with roses. The war would only last six months to a year and Iraqi oil would more than pay for everything.

“Making things easy” is even more true when it comes to movies. Slap subtitles at the bottom of the screen and 99 percent of the potential audience is going to looking at what else is playing at the multiplex. Every year critics' best of the year lists are clogged with films that no one ever sees while movies with a good fart joke will regularly clear a hundred million. It is easier to get a brand name like Lord of the Rings, Batman, James Bond, etc. made than to get an original script through the gauntlet of developmental hell. Movies are sold to people who don't bother to read scripts often just on the strength of their synopsis. The shorter the summary the more likely it is to be a success. Think about it. Jaws - Shark eats people. Speed - Diehard on a bus. Home Alone - Cute kid has wacky adventures when his parents accidentally leave him at home. If audiences have to work to figure out what they are about to see, you will not have an audience. If you still don't believe me, I got three words for you... Girls Gone Wild.

It is why as much as I love the work of Michael and Mark Polish and why they will never get the audiences they deserve. Try to sum up any of their movies and you will see what I mean. Twin Falls, Idaho - A pair of Siamese twins live in a rundown hotel. While sharing some of the same organs, one of them is very sick. So, they call a prostitute... Are you awake? Northfork - Set in 1955, a small community on the Great Plains is about to disappear due to a damn that is building built... Stay with me. Ah, screw it. Now we get The Astronaut Farmer. The title actually kind of sums up the movie but astronauts means guys who are probably smarter than me and farmers, well, what is the last movie you went to that centered on the exciting life of a farmer? “Sounds vaguely educational and kind of lame.” Billy Bob Thornton plays Charles Farmer, a man who was an astronaut until fate stepped in with the death of his father. He had to give up his dreams and take over the family farm. Yet, he still dreams of going into space. Like a modern day Noah, he decides to build his own rocket and go into space. Like Field of Dreams, Charles dream is greeted with ridicule and he is about to lose his land to foreclosure. The feds are monitoring him, believing he has WMDs in backyard. The F.A.A. isn't about to let him off the ground. The only one who seems to support him is his wife, Audie (Virginia Madsen), and his family. Will Charles get off the ground? Will he achieve his dreams?

It reminds you of the great old Andy Griffith television show Salvage 1 from the 1970s. The Polish Brothers have the amazing ability to get big name actors to fill out their cast. Bruce Dern, Bruce Willis, and Tim Blake Nelson are among the biggest names to pop up in character roles. Is it one of the best films of the year? Hell, yes. Will people go to it? Hell, no. Still, in another year of craptastic movies, this film was a real pleasure. I left the theater feeling good, with almost a skip in my step. If you have not figured it out, the whole premise of this essay is it takes a lot of hard work to make things easy. The Polish Brothers have made this an easy movie to enjoy.

Verdict: One of the Ten Best