Bratz

Bratz

Paula Abdul, Nathalia Ramos, Skyler Shaye, Logan Browning

Bratz is a doll line produced by MGA Entertainment, meant for “tweens” or preteen children. … These “Bratz” teach children to dress up like, what you could call, ‘Whores’. These dolls teach girls you have to be hot. To be hot, you MUST wear skimpy outfits. What do these girls do when they wear these skimpy outfits, imitating what they see the dolls do on TV? They go out and meet boys, who will be interested in sex. The outfits are DESIGNED to be sexual, and you can expect the girls who buy these dolls, or even see them on TV, to want to imitate them. Toys like this create a new generation of sluts, skanks, and whores!

Joe: Hey, my 13 year old sister got one of those Bratz dolls for Christmas.

Me: Is she on the pill? – Urban Dictionary

Here are some things that I have learned from the movies. Good guys use Apple computers. Bad guys use IBM compatible PCs. When you walk into your boss's office you always carry a box of Dunkin’ Doughnuts. The protagonist always holds his Pepsi so that you can see the label on the can. Advertisers have known that Hollywood stars can influence people's purchasing habits since Clark Gable went bare-chested in It Happened One Night. Undershirt sales plummeted. Gordon's Gin paid chump change to get Bogie featured with their product in African Queen. Yet, for the most part, product placement was not a part of the theater going experience, until 1974 when James Bond started tooling around in AMC cars. James drove AMC cars even in countries like Thailand, where the vehicles were not sold, because Madison Ave. paid to make sure the product was prominently placed. Over the next eight years, products appeared here and there, but nobody paid much attention. Yet, it was the 1982's E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, when Reese's Pieces were prominently featured, and that unknown candy saw a surge of chubby consumers gulping them down, causing Hollywood and Madison Ave. to become like two gay Santas on a winter sleigh ride together, and the only one being taken advantage of is the person stupid enough to purchase a ticket. It has gotten to the point where some films are almost guaranteed a profit even if no one purchases a ticket.

Every day the average American consumer sees 3,000 to 5,000 advertisements a day. (In fact, I have the solution to our health care crisis in America. We turn poor people into walking billboards. Break your leg? Pepsi will pay the bill. You just have to get a permanent tattoo of the Pepsi logo on your forehead. Have an STD? Every time your pants hit the floor, you show your partner you're a supporter of Trojan. Are you poor and pregnant? No worries, Mountain Dew is not a bad name for a child and the kid will have no problems finding a boyfriend or girlfriend with that earring that proudly proclaims, "Do the Dew."

This shear avalanche of advertising, from the time you get up to the time you go to sleep, is mind numbing, causing people to tune out. Movies and television shows are perfect mediums for advertisers. People go to movies to be entertained and enjoy themselves and if an ad is slipped into the midst of this enjoyment, it works on a subliminal level. Will Smith is cool and he is drinking Coke. If I drink Coke, even though my teeth will rot and I will balloon up to 4 bills, I will be cool too. (No you will not. Will Smith is paid a couple of million to drink Coke, because he is cool. You're a loser, because you plop down $4 or $5 at the concession stand to do the same thing.) Good advertisements are visible, but don't draw attention to themselves to the point where it takes away from the consumer's enjoyment of the story. It is why Paula and Simon are always sipping their gin from clearly labeled Coke glasses and Jack Bauer is typing away on a product that did not make Bill Gates any money.

Still, I am sure that most of you think when you pay your hard earned money, you don't want to be besieged by corporations trying to sell you things, unless it is the remake of Soylent Green and Nature Valley is trying to hawk their latest granola bar. Then I am in favor of it. In the average film, you will see between 25 to 50 paid corporate placements, most are subtle, but the blinking neon sign, "buy, buy, buy," is always there. Scripts are often rewritten to include some new product or gizmo when someone bellies up to the bar with a check with several zeros. But in recent years, the ante has been upped. Companies have figured out that they can get people to pay money for a 90 minute commercial. I love to think of You've Got Mail as a wonderful love story and not the 90 minute sales pitch for America Online that it really is. Upcoming children's films like Hot Wheels, My Little Pony, He-Man, and GI Joe are just basically hour-and-a-half commercials for their product. Who needs subliminal messages when you can openly tell children, “Buy, buy, buy, consume, consume.”

I grew up with lawn darts, chemistry sets, and candy cigarettes, but until some company comes out with a big old plastic bag of razors called You’re 12 and Fat, So Use Them, I have never seen a product I hate more than Bratz dolls. Every knuckle dragging message that can mess up a little girl’s head can be found in these dolls. If you have never seen one, imagine a big-headed whorish-looking Barbie doll with anime features dressed in neon clothes so tight that the flesh looks like dough spilling out of tube. I can already hear some mother shouting, “But my little girl loves them.” Well, you might as well print “Lot Lizard” on the back of her jacket with the Bedazzler, because by the time she finishes high school, she is going to be passed around more than a joint at a Grateful Dead concert, and have more STDs than alphabet soup, but it is a free country. The original four Bratz dolls, Yasmin, Sasha, Cloe, and Jade, were introduced in 2001 and within a year they were a world-wide phenomenon and giving Barbie a run for her money. What does this mean? There are a lot of dumb parents out there. What is next? “I know. Let’s get 7-year-old junior an assault rifle with cop killer bullets.” Don’t just take my word for it. The American Psychological Association was so concerned about the dolls that they issued a report earlier this year that stated, “Bratz dolls come dressed in sexualized clothing such as miniskirts, fishnet stockings, and feather boas. Although these dolls may present no more sexualization of girls or women than is seen in MTV videos, it is worrisome, when dolls designed specifically for 4- to 8-year-olds are associated with an objectified adult sexuality.” In other words, welcome to Trailer Park Whore 101 for little girls.

Now it is time for a 90-minute Bratz live action movie. The original four Bratz girls, Yasmin (Nathalia Ramos), Cloe (Skyler Shaye), Sasha (Logan Browning), and Jade (Janel Parrish) are high school girls and whores in waiting. They just want to be themselves, enjoy their clothing, and music, and I just want to open my wrists in a warm tub, if I have to think about this movie for one more second.

Verdict: I Hate The Bratz