The Karate Kid
Jaden Smith, Jackie Chan
Well, little Timmy, what did your parents get you for Christmas? A video game? I guess your parents don’t love you as much as Jaden Smith’s mommy and daddy love him. They got him a brand new summer blockbuster to star in. Most kids love to play pretend. They get to be Superman or Wonder Woman, the centerfielder for the New York Yankees in the World Series, or a mommy holding an imaginary baby. Jaden Smith gets to play pretend, and a major studio is going to lose millions of dollars because they are providing the film, actors, lighting, and advertising for it.
Don’t get me wrong. Nepotism makes Hollywood go round and it makes sense. Tinseltown is filled with good-looking people who mate with other good-looking people, and they understand the system and have the connections. A famous parent’s name might only get your foot in the door, but at least you are at the threshold, which is more than most people get. Our cinematic world would not be the same without Angelina Jolie, the daughter of Jon Voight; Jennifer Aniston, the daughter of soap opera star John Aniston; Jason Schwartzman, the son of Talia Shire; Nicolas Cage, the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola; Kiefer Sutherland, the son of Donald; Gwyneth Paltrow, the daughter of Blythe Danner; and Kate Hudson, the daughter of Goldie Hawn. The Sheens, the Baldwins, the Bridges, the Penns, the Roberts, the Fondas, and the Barrymores, the list could go on and on. But a famous name can get you only so far. If you don’t believe me, reconsider when you are tipping Amy Hart Redford, Scott Caan, Mackenzie Astin, Jake Busey, Natasha Gregson Wagner and Troy Garity (Fonda) when they serve your meal at the local IHOP. You can have the linage of a racehorse, but if you do not deliver, you are cinematic toast.
But Jaden Smith, and I am sure he is a fine young man, is a special case. His mom and dad are Jada Pinkett and Will Smith. You might have heard of them. Will makes millions of dollars making awful summer blockbusters like Bad Boy; I Am Legend; Wild, Wild West; and I, Robot. Jada Pinkett Smith, a great actress in her own right, has done a wonderful job in a minor role in the latter two Matrix movies and. . . Okay, I know she has done other work because people always coo over what a great actress she is. . . It will come to me. . .She wants to play Michelle Obama in a biopic, does that count? Will and Jada are probably wonderful parents, but they are also the producers of this remake of the 1980s franchise. In addition, they decided not to bother casting for a young actor to play the title role. The movie was to be tailored to the talents of their eleven-year-old son. Now, it is one thing to cast your child in a minor role in a film you are doing because you want to enjoy having them around the set with you. Clint Eastwood (3 times), Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone have all done this. Jaden got his acting career started as the cute Muppet child of his dad in the heartwarming Pursuit of Happyness. But still, resting a summer tent pole--a re-launch that would have troubles no matter who started in it--on the back of your children, that is another thing. Other than some television and music video work, the only other acting Smith has done is in the awful remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still. What is next? Suri Cruise in Mission Impossible IV? The Bradangelina kids in a remake of The Dirty Dozen?
While I resonate to the old W.C. Fields line that anyone who hates children and animals cannot be all bad, there is something unseemly about watching a little kid get popped in the face. In the original 1984 classic, Ralph Macchio (The Outsiders, My Cousin Vinny) as Daniel LaRusso looked like a teenager but was really 22-years old. Jaden looks like he is 8. I do not want or care to see a little kid do some kung fu fighting. There is nothing suspenseful or interesting about it. The original also worked because Pat Morita as Kesuke Miyagi looked like anything but a major league butt kicker. Playing against his “Happy Days” role of Arnold, which is ever-present in the audiences’ minds, he was a Yoda-like mentor, teaching that real strength and power come from within. Just as a book cannot be judged by its cover, Miyagi shows Daniel that he, too, can beat the bigger, stronger Cobra Kai fighters. In part, it was the playing against his light comedic past that merited him being nominated for best supporting actor at the 1985 Oscars. As ESPN’s Bill Simmons noted, Morita’s shocking performance was “the 1984 equivalent of Mr. Belding from “Saved by the Bell” being nominated for an Oscar in 2005.” Jackie Chan as Mr. Han still looks as if he could school most people. Walking in to the film, the audience could have seen any of the 103 films in which Jackie has displayed his martial arts skills. Chan carries with him all the luggage from his past and that influences how people perceive him. The shocking surprise that Miyagi knows what he is doing and is not just a kindly old man is missing in this updated version. Mr. Miyagi was the role of a lifetime for Morita. Mr. Han is just another job for Jackie Chan.
Another reason the 1984 classic worked is Daniel was anything but cool. He was a normal East Coast kid whose mother had relocated to California. Will Smith’s son has to be hip even if the Chinese kids who surround him do not understand this. In this movie Daniel is now Dre Parker like hip-hopper and all-around fly Dr. Dre. If the name is not enough to let you know the kid is c to the double o l, the nice haircut should tip you off. He plays Wii video games in which, surprisingly, you too can be Dre for $49.99 in the video game tie-in for this movie. Instead of moving to California--after all there are international box office markets to consider--Dre and his momma (Taraji P. Henson) have relocated to Beijing, China. Then just follow the high points of the original, and you pretty much has the movie except Jackie Chan is not going to nominated for an Oscar and Elisabeth Shue is not around as the maiden to win.
The Karate Kid is a classic. It inspired three sequels and a cartoon series. (Can you name the two-time Academy Award winning star of the fourth film? Hillary Swank.) None of the sequels did anywhere close to the over $90 million the 1984 vehicle did. The fourth one did such a poor job at the box office, $8.9 million, that it almost sank Swank’s career before it began. I have a feeling that even though this film will be pushed to the moon, it will have similar results. The original was a teenage Rocky, and that is something hard to repeat.
I have often maintained that there are only a handful of reasons that a film should be remade. It has become dated or stale, modern CGI or film techniques can enhance the tale or an extremely talented director has discovered a way of improving the story. None of these are the case here. The original Karate Kid has not been forgotten. Making the story more urban and international does nothing to improve it. Director Harald (yes, it is spelled Harald) Zwart (The Pink Panther 2, Agent Cody Banks) is not talented enough to figure out a fresh angle for the project. Jaden Smith might be a fine actor someday. He will probably get a Razzie Award for this. If he wants and his parents are supportive, hopefully, they will step back and let him work his way up like Emma Roberts (Julia’s niece and Eric’s daughter) and Miley Cyrus (Billy Ray’s daughter) have. It is hard to overcome a box office bomb when you are not even old enough to get a learner’s permit.
Verdict: BOMB