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One, Two, THREE

Jim Daly, who succeeded James Dobson as President and CEO of Focus on the Family, candidly admitted that when one examines the demographics and attitudes of younger Americans, his side has lost the war on gay marriage. He stated, “We're losing on that one, especially among the 20- and 30-somethings: 65 to 70 percent of them favor same-sex marriage. I don't know if that's going to change with a little more age—demographers would say probably not. We've probably lost that. I don't want to be extremist here, but I think we need to start calculating where we are in the culture.” In turn, he went on to state in the interview that conservative groups should focus on the abortion issue, an issue he feels they can still win.

With all of their money, power and moral authority, why have conservative groups lost this war with the younger generation? The answers lies in the thousands of young people who have shown the kind of courage that is humbling. In the privacy of their homes and school hallways, they have been honest about who they are, taken that risk, and transformed a nation. Straight teenagers have found that gay teenagers are just like them, except when it comes to the person they want to hold hands with and look dreamily into their eyes. More importantly, the number of young people tortured about who they are grows fewer every day, because these kids are surrounded by role models and peers who support them. Hopefully, some day, we will get to the point where no one takes their life because they hate how God made them. Homosexual young people have told their stories, and a nation has changed, seemingly overnight.

While the number of homosexual/bisexual Americans will be impossible to estimate until their stigma is completely removed, experts believe that it is between 2 percent and 10 percent of the population. In all likelihood, it is probably somewhere in the middle of these two percentages. However, the number of homosexual Americans is small compared to the number of women who have had an abortion.

Look around you right now; how many women do you see? How many daughters do you have? How many female co-workers? How many women go to your church on Sunday? How many women do you know who have had an abortion? One? Two? Maybe three? You know a lot more. More than you think, probably more than you imagine. How about at least one out of every three women you know will have to make that decision?

Don’t believe me? Let’s do the math. Starting with 1973,--the first year that abortion became legal in this nation and because the numbers are reliable, --until 2005, there were 45 million abortions in this nation. (The number of abortions previous to 1973 is impossible to determine because records were not kept. It is clear, from the evidence we have, that a large percentage of women were getting abortions from friendly medical personnel, and the legality/illegality of the procedure has impacted the numbers less than conservatives would like to believe. There are experts who believe that the percentage, of women who have gotten abortions, has actually gone down since 1973 due to a rise in the standard of living, the increased usage of effective protection, and our social safety net.)

In 2005, the population of the United States was 295,753,151 and 50.7 percent of them are women. That leaves roughly 150 million women. Okay, now subtract 24.3 percent of this number, the percentage of females who are minors. That leaves just under 113.6 million women. Now divide by 45 million abortions. Factoring in teenage abortions (17 years old and below) and women who have had this procedure more than once, one is being extremely conservative to say that one out of three women in this nation have had an abortion. Remember, I am not speculating on, or taking into account the number of women who had abortions prior to 1973, who were still alive in 2005. They are still part of the 113.6 million women. If I did include them, the percentage of women who have had abortions would climb dramatically. Makes you look at grandma a whole lot differently, doesn’t it?

Look around you. One, two, THREE. Grab a sandwich at the local restaurant. Smile at the waitress and the other customers. One, two, THREE. Go to the movies. Look at everyone sitting in the audience. The lights go down. One, two, THREE. Sit in church this Sunday. Look up and down the pew. One, two, THREE. Just walk down the street. Say hello to everyone who crosses your path. One two, THREE. Look at the women in your family, maybe the group photograph of them on your wall or desk. One, two, THREE. Keep telling yourself, not my friends, not my church members, not my daughters or granddaughters. One, two, THREE. I am going to raise my children right. They are going to love Jesus and have good morals. One, two, THREE. I don’t care what you say, not my baby girl. One, two, THREE. Can you still count with your fingers the women who have had an abortion?

This leads to this question. If 33 percent of women have had an abortion, and probably around 5 to 8 percent of the population are homosexual, this means that there are still more women who have terminated pregnancies than total homosexuals in the population. This leads to the question: why have gay rights advanced so dramatically in the last few years while a woman’s right to make decisions regarding her own body is seemingly attacked at every turn and is being nibbled away at in numerous states.

If you had asked someone in the 1950s how many gay people they personally knew, they might have been able to come up with one or two, maybe three, probably a cousin or neighbor boy who moved to the big city and returned home once or twice a year, or an uncle who drank a little too much at the last Christmas party. The truth is, they knew hundreds of homosexuals. They just didn’t know it. In a society where people could be fired from their job, disowned by their family and friends, arrested, taken to a mental institution, beaten and even possibly killed, people stayed in the closet and hated themselves. It would have been unthinkable to believe that in a handful of decades, certain states would allow homosexuals to get married, gays could serve openly in the military, and two of the largest Christian denominations would allow practicing, open homosexuals to serve as clergy in their churches. Even the most conservative, contemporary American, would be a flaming liberal when compared to someone, almost anyone, in the 1950s. All because homosexuals opened up and told their stories.

Abortion is different. The reason most people think they don’t know anyone who has terminated a pregnancy, is that it is an extremely private, personal, painful decision. It is something you don’t tell your father or mother about. The neighbors don’t know. There are instances when the information is not even shared with a future spouse. In some cases, they don’t even admit it to themselves. There is the fear of moral judgment and emotional baggage. Words like kill, murder, and baby are tossed around like knives by people who do not even know to whom they are talking. It is a moment, not a lifestyle. It’s not something you share at Thanksgiving dinner or over coffee with the neighbors. Even if you can find the words, it is a hard story to tell. Even politicians who are supportive parade out the mantra “safe, legal, and rare.” Sorry. It is not rare. One, two, THREE.

Yet, when a woman opens up to you, tells you in private her story, it breaks your heart and changes how you see the issue. Concepts of right and wrong, black and white, good and bad, just kind of disappear when it is someone you care about. Moral certainties about when souls enter bodies and life begins, that are nowhere to be found in holy books, are not so easy when someone who has been silent starts to speak to you.

I loved her. She made a hard decision years ago, long before I was in her life. The story is hers, not mine to share. It was personal. It was hard. It was painful. For her, it was the right decision. We sat across the restaurant table from her father. He wore a pro-life pin. He was proud of all his daughter has accomplished, the poster child for a proud parent, and I am guessing probably, if asked, he does not know anyone who has had an abortion.

He got up to go to the bathroom. She whispered, “Thank you.”

“For what?” I asked.

“For understanding,” she replied.

Still, don’t know anyone? One, two, THREE.

You are not alone. One, two, THREE.