Hey, Sessions, Leave Them Kids Alone!
Our Attorney General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, a fine southern gentleman,
hadn’t even unpacked his boxes in his new Justice Department office when he
sought to protect America from its greatest pressing menace.
Racism? Nope. Jeff Session doesn’t see color, unless you’re a black civil rights
worker trying to register people to vote and then you throw them in jail.
Gun violence? Are you crazy? Our Congress just voted to let people so mentally ill
that they cannot manage their own affairs have guns because we don’t want to
stigmatize them. If you are hearing so many voices in your head that you need a
parade permit to walk down the street, I am pretty sure not being allowed to have a
handgun is pretty low on the stigmatizing list. Remember those liberal days when
even conservatives were saying it is not a gun issue; it’s a mental illness issue. That
was last year. Now it is give Crazy Mary a firearm because what could possibly go
wrong with that.
Preventing coal companies from dumping toxic sludge into streams and rivers? No.
Republicans also overturned that baby. Kid: “Daddy, my fish tastes funny?” Dad:
“Shut up and eat it. A little toxic sludge isn’t going to hurt you. I had to eat lutefisk as
a kid. You’re getting off light. It will put hair on your chest.” Kid: “But I’m a girl,
Is he going after corporate fat cats who have abused the system? No. In Trump’s
America, you get a cabinet position for that. Our Treasury Secretary, Steven
Mnuchin, is known as the “foreclosure king.” He once foreclosed on a 90-year-old
woman, Ossie Lofton, because she accidentally sent a check to the bank for 3 cents
instead of the 30 cents she owed. Trump’s America, making America great by
kicking one bony old lady’s backside at a time.
Is he investigating Putin’s trying to influence our presidential election? Not unless
he gets a Nordstrom’s account.
The answer is transgendered teenagers using any locker room, shower, or
restroom they want. Because nothing is going to make America great again like
often suicidal, teenagers already having a tough time in life needlessly getting beat
In one of his first moves as Attorney General, Sessions reversed Obama’s decision
to allow transgendered teens to use whatever restroom in a public school they
identified with. Even the new Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, who never met a
teacher she thinks should not be living in a cardboard box, thinks Sessions’ stance is
Now last I checked, I did not know that the most pressing matter in this nation that
requires our Attorney General’s attention is to stop some poor kid from going
number one or two in what you see as the wrong restroom.
For that to be the most pressing concern in your first week on the job, you have to
be a Bond villain. “As long as I am Attorney General, I will keep America safe from
kids flushing the wrong toilet. You let them use the wrong toilet, next thing you
know they are using the wrong drinking fountain… Wait, that got me in trouble
under Ronald Reagan.”
In case you don’t remember, the most terrifying places in any school are the locker
rooms and bathrooms, because there is no adult supervision. The majority of
violence and bullying I witnessed on school grounds as a kid were in those places. I
remember watching a slight young man being stuffed into a garbage can, in his
underwear, and rolled down the hallway, another kid having his rattail removed
with a dull pocket knife, and too many fights to even list, and I went to an extremely
safe and good school.
“But we must protect our daughters from the teenage perverts who want to watch
them change clothes. I would claim gender confusion to scope the babes,” goes the
conservative refrain. No, you would not. Real life is not a Porky’s or American Pie
movie. That is just taping a “please kick the snot out of me” sign to your own back
because other teenage boys have girlfriends. A leer, too long a look, and you are
going to get a fist in the face.
If you’re just faking being transgendered to sneak a peak, anyone that is married
can tell you sharing a restroom with the opposite sex is jarring. At some point, (after
a visit to Taco Bell), that cute little cheerleader is going to make a noise that sounds
like a cross between a foghorn and the scream of a dying wildebeest. It will leave
you wondering how that loud a sound can come out of that small a body. It will put
you in the fetal position. You aren’t going to start calling yourself Sally to experience
As for your daughters, they don’t need Uncle Session’s protection. They will know
the transgendered person and sympathize with what they are going through. Girls
are more sensitive and cool that way. Their biggest concern is whether the
transgendered individual is going to tinkle on the floor. It is amazing that any
woman ever got pregnant considering you can show a male a two foot by two foot
porcelain hole in a brightly lit room and he could not hit it if his life depended on it.
Men and boys are pigs. I don’t know if the same is true for those undergoing
What would Jesus say about letting transgender youths using whatever school
restroom they felt comfortable using? This seems to be a Christian concern.
Probably, “Just wash your hands afterwards.” Jesus never said, “Where were you
when I needed to use the bathroom?” It is implied in Matthew 25 when he asked
where were you when I was hungry, in prison, needed a drink, sick, or needed
clothes. “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and
sisters of mine, you did for me.”
I know that my writing is going to anger some people, but those are not my words. I
can make all the jokes in the world, but there is no one more marginalized in this
society than transgendered kids. Jesus, like him or not, is always with the outcasts.
I would guess Jeff Session and most of the conservatives who rage about this issue
don’t have a kid struggling with who they are in their homes. They probably don’t
even know one. They have not experienced the years of darkness, of tears and pain,
of suicidal thoughts, and black eyes and bruises. That is where the humor ends when
you are a loving parent, grandparent or friend.
Now, some Christians will claim that God doesn’t make mistakes. The problem is
our graveyards are filled with young people who looked in the mirror, felt He did,
and could not live with it. I don’t think that desire to be who you are supposed to be,
that feeling inside that you are not the right gender, is a mistake.
You might not be about to understand those feelings, nor can fully I. Hey, Jeff
Sessions and you conservatives posting your memes on Facebook and adding your
voices to the chorus of hate radio, just leave them kids alone!
Bathrooms are not just bathrooms, just like drinking fountains were never just
drinking fountains. Where were you when I was thirsty? Too many people were
standing in the wrong place when that question was asked in the 1960s, usually in
schoolhouse doors. Just like too many are standing in the wrong spot today. Hey Jeff,
can you move aside and let the poor kid use the bathroom.