President Trump and the Celebrities   The conservative movement has gone from a president who was a crook to a president with dementia to a president with a strained relationship with the English language to Donald J. Trump. Following this devolution back to the primordial soup, in 2028, America will be celebrating President Larry the Cable Guy’s inauguration because he’ll promise to “Git-R-Done.” Laugh now, but we are about one good dose of lead in our water supply from celebrating Walker, Texas Ranger’s birthday as a national holiday.   Poor Donald, he cannot seem to find anyone to play his inauguration. He has been turned down by the likes of Elton John, Garth Brooks, Bruno Mars, Andrea Bocelli, Kiss, and Celine Dion. These are performers who, when the money was right, have performed for thugs, despots, and tinhorn dictators or, as they are otherwise known, Trump’s cabinet. Several of the Radio City Music Hall’s high-kicking Rockettes have expressed misgivings, with three of the thirteen women choosing to “take a knee” rather than perform, including all the dancers of color. Nothing is more quintessentially New York City than rats in the sewer, Donald Trump, and that burning rash that just won’t go away until you stop by the free clinic for a shot.   There has even been grumbling among members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir about singing for our future president and these are people who have been promised a planet if they can just stay in the closet for seven or eight more decades. So, you know if some of them are making noise there is some serious discontent. Even the Beach Boys, minus Brian Wilson, have been on the fence about playing and these are guys that now get the same “good vibrations” feeling they used to get from drugs by standing up too quickly.   Even though Scott Baio is reportedly willing to dust off his microphone, promising that Joanie will love Chachi again, even if he has to find a replacement Joanie. (The fact that I remember that their band’s drummer’s name was Bingo terrifies me.) Reportedly, the Donald is extremely unhappy and has brought on former American Idol and Dancing with the Stars booker Suzanne Bender to perform a “Hail Mary” in the last month. One would have thought the Donald could have easily gotten the Motor City Madman and Republican gun nut, Ted Nugent, to perform. When you are going down in history as the “Pussy Grabber in Chief” you might not want the artist whose biggest songs are “Cat Scratch Fever,” “Wango Tango,” and “Wang Dang Sweet Poontag” rocking on stage in front of you.  Them there are some family values. He is the Stephen Foster of my childhood.   Their major get is sixteen-year-old America’s Got Talent fifth season runner-up Jackie Evancho. Seriously, this little known crooner can sing and has that girl next- door look. Although I doubt that Jackie and her family will be driving up the coast through North Carolina to get to the inauguration. Her sister Juliet, born Jacob, is a transsexual, who her family is very supportive of and loves. Can we say awkward for alt right Trump supporters?  Good enough to sing “The Star-Spangled Banner,” but here is some toilet paper for your sister and there is a tree. Juliet appears to be a perfectly lovely and well-adjusted young woman, whose story is told in her sister’s music video “All of the Stars.” Now, some of you might be saying that God does not make mistakes, but have you been to a Walmart in the middle of the night or good chunks of Alabama for that matter? I rest my case.      Even a local Washington D.C. area high school marching band decided to pass on being in Trump’s inauguration parade. You know things are bad when band geeks would rather stay in school and be stuffed in lockers than march in a parade. It has all led Trump to tweet, “The so-called ‘A’ list celebrities are all wanting tixs to the inauguration, but look what they did for Hillary, NOTHING. I want the PEOPLE!”  Translation: “Whaaaaa, whaaa, whaaaa, whaaaa, whaaaa, whaaaa.” There is always Lee Greenwood, the go-to man for trite, jingoistic patriotic music.  I would love to say I don’t know who Lee Greenwood is and have never owned one of his CDs, but I am a Norwegian American.  I am pretty sure his music makes up part of my people’s genome.   If you spent the entire campaign attacking minorities and your handpicked vice president never met a homosexual he didn’t have a prayer meeting about, you pretty much are going to spend the next four to eight years wondering how many times you can have the Captain and Tennille perform at official White House functions before people realize that it is a colostomy bag, not love, that has kept them together.   (While fact checking this article, I learned that after 39 years of marriage the Captain and Tennille got divorced in 2014. Both in their mid 70s. I guess it was a real life living out of that old Steve Allen divorce joke punch line, “We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.” So, even with Trump’s awful comb over that looks like a dead ferret, there will be no muskrat love at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Come on, be honest, if the Captain and Tennille played “Muskrat Love” at the inauguration you’d look over at his hair to see if it would whirl, twirl, and tango. I know I would.)   If Donald Trump’s inability to get celebrities to pay at his inauguration was not enough, he is trying to stop comedian Tom Arnold. No, not from making another movie.  We all are trying to do that. It seems Tom Arnold has in his possession outtakes from Trump’s reality show, The Apprentice, which feature the president- elect acting in a vulgar and sexist manner, using the “N” and “C” words, and even calling his youngest child “retarded.” In other words, a typical Saturday evening at Trump Towers. These tapes had been passed around Hollywood for months before the election as a bit of a joke because no one thought the Donald would beat Hillary Clinton.  Arnold is fearful that releasing these video clips would spell an end to his career. I know, I know, I am as shocked as you. Who knew Tom Arnold still had a career, because he technically does not own the footage? I think if you get stabbed in the chest by your ex-wife over who ate the box of Weight Watcher cookies, (seriously, Rosanne stabbed him), your career can pretty much survive anything.    Still, Arnold claims some “smart Watergate-level journalists” are on the case. If they don’t release the footage, he will, price to his career be damned.  Watergate was about a real life crime and the president’s role in covering it up. Nixon having a potty mouth was just icing on the cake. Trump’s potty mouth is probably the main reason most of his followers voted for him in the first place.  They love his crudeness.   I have often claimed that most voters will support their candidate no matter what he says or does. Politics have become a team sport, complete with face paint and signs. Others are claiming that Trump’s battles are proof of impotence of celebrity. Forgetting that Trump himself is a celebrity. He just made reality television real. He was Richard Hatch from the first season of Survivor, except he kept his clothes on because of his small hands.  Ronald Reagan, Mel Gibson, Clint Eastwood, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, everyone gets mesmerized when they look up to the stars that agree with them. I guess I’m just wondering when Trump is going to get into a Twitter war with wack packer Beetlejuice.  It is going to be a long four years.
President Trump and the Celebrities   The conservative movement has gone from a president who was a crook to a president with dementia to a president with a strained relationship with the English language to Donald J. Trump. Following this devolution back to the primordial soup, in 2028, America will be celebrating President Larry the Cable Guy’s inauguration because he’ll promise to “Git-R-Done.” Laugh now, but we are about one good dose of lead in our water supply from celebrating Walker, Texas Ranger’s birthday as a national holiday.   Poor Donald, he cannot seem to find anyone to play his inauguration. He has been turned down by the likes of Elton John, Garth Brooks, Bruno Mars, Andrea Bocelli, Kiss, and Celine Dion. These are performers who, when the money was right, have performed for thugs, despots, and tinhorn dictators or, as they are otherwise known, Trump’s cabinet. Several of the Radio City Music Hall’s high-kicking Rockettes have expressed misgivings, with three of the thirteen women choosing to “take a knee” rather than perform, including all the dancers of color. Nothing is more quintessentially New York City than rats in the sewer, Donald Trump, and that burning rash that just won’t go away until you stop by the free clinic for a shot.   There has even been grumbling among members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir about singing for our future president and these are people who have been promised a planet if they can just stay in the closet for seven or eight more decades. So, you know if some of them are making noise there is some serious discontent. Even the Beach Boys, minus Brian Wilson, have been on the fence about playing and these are guys that now get the same “good vibrations” feeling they used to get from drugs by standing up too quickly.   Even though Scott Baio is reportedly willing to dust off his microphone, promising that Joanie will love Chachi again, even if he has to find a replacement Joanie. (The fact that I remember that their band’s drummer’s name was Bingo terrifies me.) Reportedly, the Donald is extremely unhappy and has brought on former American Idol and Dancing with the Stars booker Suzanne Bender to perform a “Hail Mary” in the last month. One would have thought the Donald could have easily gotten the Motor City Madman and Republican gun nut, Ted Nugent, to perform. When you are going down in history as the “Pussy Grabber in Chief” you might not want the artist whose biggest songs are “Cat Scratch Fever,” Wango Tango,” and “Wang Dang Sweet Poontag” rocking on stage in front of you.  Them there are some family values. He is the Stephen Foster of my childhood.   Their major get is sixteen-year-old America’s Got Talent fifth season runner-up Jackie Evancho. Seriously, this little known crooner can sing and has that girl next-door look. Although I doubt that Jackie and her family will be driving up the coast through North Carolina to get to the inauguration. Her sister Juliet, born Jacob, is a transsexual, who her family is very supportive of and loves. Can we say awkward for alt right Trump supporters?  Good enough to sing The Star-Spangled Banner,” but here is some toilet paper for your sister and there is a tree. Juliet appears to be a perfectly lovely and well-adjusted young woman, whose story is told in her sister’s music video “All of the Stars.” Now, some of you might be saying that God does not make mistakes, but have you been to a Walmart in the middle of the night or good chunks of Alabama for that matter? I rest my case.      Even a local Washington D.C. area high school marching band decided to pass on being in Trump’s inauguration parade. You know things are bad when band geeks would rather stay in school and be stuffed in lockers than march in a parade. It has all led Trump to tweet, “The so-called ‘A’ list celebrities are all wanting tixs to the inauguration, but look what they did for Hillary, NOTHING. I want the PEOPLE!”  Translation: “Whaaaaa, whaaa, whaaaa, whaaaa, whaaaa, whaaaa.” There is always Lee Greenwood, the go-to man for trite, jingoistic patriotic music.  I would love to say I don’t know who Lee Greenwood is and have never owned one of his CDs, but I am a Norwegian American.  I am pretty sure his music makes up part of my people’s genome.   If you spent the entire campaign attacking minorities and your handpicked vice president never met a homosexual he didn’t have a prayer meeting about, you pretty much are going to spend the next four to eight years wondering how many times you can have the Captain and Tennille perform at official White House functions before people realize that it is a colostomy bag, not love, that has kept them together.   (While fact checking this article, I learned that after 39 years of marriage the Captain and Tennille got divorced in 2014. Both in their mid 70s. I guess it was a real life living out of that old Steve Allen divorce joke punch line, “We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.” So, even with Trump’s awful comb over that looks like a dead ferret, there will be no muskrat love at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Come on, be honest, if the Captain and Tennille played “Muskrat Love” at the inauguration you’d look over at his hair to see if it would whirl, twirl, and tango. I know I would.)   If Donald Trump’s inability to get celebrities to pay at his inauguration was not enough, he is trying to stop comedian Tom Arnold. No, not from making another movie.  We all are trying to do that. It seems Tom Arnold has in his possession outtakes from Trump’s reality show, The Apprentice, which feature the president-elect acting in a vulgar and sexist manner, using the “N” and “C” words, and even calling his youngest child “retarded.” In other words, a typical Saturday evening at Trump Towers. These tapes had been passed around Hollywood for months before the election as a bit of a joke because no one thought the Donald would beat Hillary Clinton.  Arnold is fearful that releasing these video clips would spell an end to his career. I know, I know, I am as shocked as you. Who knew Tom Arnold still had a career, because he technically does not own the footage? I think if you get stabbed in the chest by your ex-wife over who ate the box of Weight Watcher cookies, (seriously, Rosanne stabbed him), your career can pretty much survive anything.    Still, Arnold claims some “smart Watergate- level journalists” are on the case. If they don’t release the footage, he will, price to his career be damned.  Watergate was about a real life crime and the president’s role in covering it up. Nixon having a potty mouth was just icing on the cake. Trump’s potty mouth is probably the main reason most of his followers voted for him in the first place.  They love his crudeness.   I have often claimed that most voters will support their candidate no matter what he says or does. Politics have become a team sport, complete with face paint and signs. Others are claiming that Trump’s battles are proof of impotence of celebrity. Forgetting that Trump himself is a celebrity. He just made reality television real. He was Richard Hatch from the first season of Survivor, except he kept his clothes on because of his small hands.  Ronald Reagan, Mel Gibson, Clint Eastwood, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, everyone gets mesmerized when they look up to the stars that agree with them. I guess I’m just wondering when Trump is going to get into a Twitter war with wack packer Beetlejuice.  It is going to be a long four years.