Yellow Dogs and Shaved Orangutans There used to be these individuals called “Yellow Dog Democrats” or “Yaller Dog Democrats.” They were whites in the Jim Crowe South who it was said would vote Democratic even if their party nominated a “yaller dog” for an office. A “yellow dog,” or “Carolina dog” as it was popularly known, was a mongrel breed of canines that could be spotted everywhere in the south and were often a pest or nuisance. In other words, white Democrats were so invested in the racism that they would rather vote for a corrupt politician, a charlatan if you will, a clown or idiot rather than support an individual from another party who might improve their lives. In 1964, President Lyndon Johnson passed the Civil Rights Bill, even though he knew it would cost the Democratic Party the South for decades to come, because it was the right thing to do. White Southerners left the party in groves, and by the time Republican Richard Nixon, with his Southern strategy, ran for president four years later, the Party of Lincoln had transformed into the Party of Jefferson Davis. Over the last half century, the south moved north and the north moved south, transforming the culture and politics of the entire nation. Today, “Yellow Dog Democrats” are now what I would call “Shaved Orangutan Republicans.” In other words, they would rather vote for a shaved orangutan that an extremely well qualified Democrat who might improve their lives. Now, I am not saying Hillary Clinton is a perfect candidate. She doesn’t seem to have any of the natural gifts and attributes of her husband. While Bill believed he could walk into any room and, if he had enough time, make everyone, even his worst enemies, love him. Hillary is more private and sensitive. She seems to take slights personally and is often too cute by half. She is not going to give her opponents any ammunition to fire at her, which has led to many of the scandals that have dogged her. Even though, as Gertrude Stein said, “there is nothing there there” when it comes to almost all of the scandals that have dogged her, it is her inability to be fully honest right away that has haunted her. The drip, drip, drip of disclosure has been her Achilles’ heel. Maybe that is who she is naturally or maybe she has developed a tough skin after more than three decades of conservatives lobbing everything and anything at her, even if the accusation is half insane. There is just something about her people don’t want to like. I don’t know. She is a lot of things, but a shaved orangutan is not one of them. I understand the fears of my conservative brethren. She is going to have the most liberal administration… Wait, the Bernie bros hate her because she is such a moderate, someone tied to the movers and shakers of the economy and a war hawk to boot. Bernie Sanders showed what a real liberal is and Hillary Clinton, it turns out, is not it. Still, I am with you my Fox loving friends. Hillary Clinton might give us the most moderate administration ever. Oh, the horror, the horror. I know, I know, you just cannot tell what she will do if she got into office. You have told me your nightmares. I fear to even think of it. Dogs sleeping with cats. Down is up. Up is down. Everyone forced to wear old lady pantsuits. I just wish there was someway we could see what a Hillary White House might be like. So, the American people could know the true evil of this woman and how she would wreck this country. Something like a Star Trek holodeck, but real. If there was only a way. You know, a reality where she was making decisions in the White House. A reality where American people were told that they would be getting “two for one.” This reality certainly would not be marked by the longest economic expansion in American history, that created 22 million jobs, the highest percent of home ownership, the lowest unemployment rate in the last 30 years, education standards raised, the GI bill expanded, the lowest crime rate in over 26 years, 100,000 more cops on the streets, the low est teen pregnancy rate in six decades, the smallest welfare rolls in two decades, and converted the largest deficit in United States history into one of the biggest surpluses. It is a good thing the Democrats don’t have a reality like that to point to or the American people might just release that wild woman into the Oval Office. If she could point to being called a “co-president” during that kind of economy, a stronger economy than any modern Republican president has given us, if the American people felt secure in their jobs, they might not care if they “like” or “want to have a beer” with her. If the bacon is on the table, who would care about a private email server THAT NO ONE HACKED? Thank god she was not a decision maker in an economy like that. I heard she is a murderer. Bill and her have killed around 100 people over the years. Although, if she was a murderer, you would think the Washington D.C. police would be fishing a skeleton wearing a blue dress and a beret out of the Potomac River right about now. There is this whole being secretly sick thing. Can’t be too careful about that, even those her opponent is two years older than her and so morbidly obsese that I am pretty sure his heart is probably pumping pure butter. Still, she is a woman, need I say more, and does not have a personal physician that looks like he blazed a couple Thai sticks while you were in the waiting room, like amazing healthy and huge handed Donald J. Trump. (Every time I see The Donald’s doctor I suspect the Coen brothers are making a sequel to The Big Lebowski and The Dude has gone to med school.) Hillary Clinton is secretive, sometimes standoffish, occasionally pricklish, and probably could not give an inspirational speech if her life depended on it, but she is not a shaved orangutan. Never before in the history of this country has the leadership of a major party turned their back on their candidate for the presidency of the United States. All but one party nominee for the presidency since 1988 stayed away from their national convention. For the first time in memory, a major party chairman, Reince Priebus, had to threaten to end the careers of any major office holder that did not endorse Donald J. Trump. And still, many major office holders to even count refused to attend. This is not a Girl Scout troop. This is a party known for the southern strategy. They invented the October surprise. Almost every dirty and underhanded trick you can think of, from Willie Horton to swift boating, to the birther movement they perfected, and Donald J. Trump exceeded them. It is like a bunch of cannibals upset over someone else’s table manners. Trump has said things on the campaign trail that Archie Bunker could not have gotten away with in an episode of “All In The Family.” It can be painted over by saying that he is not politically correct, but a lot of what he has said was never correct. He has demeaned women, insulted the handicaped, openly used almost every one of George Carlin’s seven words on stage, openly encouraged the use of physical violence, talked about his penis size, and flip-flopped on issues so often that even John Kerry and Mitt Romney would have gotten whiplash. Trump has thrown out conspiracy theories like hand grenades and implied that the electoral system is fixed if he does not win. When Ted Cruz, the last Republican to stand up to him, a man Trump implied that his father was involved in the Kennedy assassination, returned to the Senate, he was given a standing ovation. This is a man who it has been said, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you,” and that is by his fellow Republicans. They cheered him because Trump is so repugnant. Donald J. Trump has lifted the rock of racism and let all the little creepy crawlies of the dark side of the American psyche loose. The Klan and other white supremacists like the cut of his jib and feel he is the first major party candidate to represent their ideals in decades. He is a shaved orangutan. It is not name-calling if it is true. Hillary Clinton has spent almost $80 million in television ads while Trump has spent extremely little. She has set up an amazing campaign infrastructure while The Donald has left what used to be considered the bread and butter of politics to the RNC to run. It just does not interest him. Secretary Clinton has made very few mistakes while the orange one makes gaffs almost everyday that would have cost other politicians their careers. Yet, it is tied, which is amazing considering that he has offended almost every minority community possible. It should be a blow out. Walter Mondale should be doing a jig because at least he did not get smoked as bad as The Donald should. Instead it could go either way. It is not a lesser of two evils campaign, but a capable, but flawed candidate against a shaved orangutan. The two are not equal. Still, it is like nothing Trump or Hillary could say or do is going to change anyone’s opinion. If Typhoid Mary came back from the dead and ran as a Republican, most GOP voters would go, “Well, I know she has that whole spreading Typhoid thing going on, but she does make a mean bowl of soup.” In the end it will all come down to whether young people get out to vote. This is a group of individuals that came out in 2008 and 2012 to ensure Obama’s victories, but vanished in the off year elections and then pouted when the president was not able to give them everything he promised because the Republicans regained control of almost everything else. I think the country will survive a Trump presidency if it should happen, but the real question will be what does it say about the American people.
 Yellow Dogs and Shaved Orangutans There used to be these individuals called “Yellow Dog Democrats” or “Yaller Dog Democrats.” They were whites in the Jim Crowe South who it was said would vote Democratic even if their party nominated a “yaller dog” for an office. A “yellow dog,” or “Carolina dog” as it was popularly known, was a mongrel breed of canines that could be spotted everywhere in the south and were often a pest or nuisance. In other words, white Democrats were so invested in the racism that they would rather vote for a corrupt politician, a charlatan if you will, a clown or idiot rather than support an individual from another party who might improve their lives. In 1964, President Lyndon Johnson passed the Civil Rights Bill, even though he knew it would cost the Democratic Party the South for decades to come, because it was the right thing to do. White Southerners left the party in groves, and by the time Republican Richard Nixon, with his Southern strategy, ran for president four years later, the Party of Lincoln had transformed into the Party of Jefferson Davis. Over the last half century, the south moved north and the north moved south, transforming the culture and politics of the entire nation. Today, “Yellow Dog Democrats” are now what I would call “Shaved Orangutan Republicans.” In other words, they would rather vote for a shaved orangutan that an extremely well qualified Democrat who might improve their lives. Now, I am not saying Hillary Clinton is a perfect candidate. She doesn’t seem to have any of the natural gifts and attributes of her husband. While Bill believed he could walk into any room and, if he had enough time, make everyone, even his worst enemies, love him. Hillary is more private and sensitive. She seems to take slights personally and is often too cute by half. She is not going to give her opponents any ammunition to fire at her, which has led to many of the scandals that have dogged her. Even though, as Gertrude Stein said, “there is nothing there there” when it comes to almost all of the scandals that have dogged her, it is her inability to be fully honest right away that has haunted her. The drip, drip, drip of disclosure has been her Achilles’ heel. Maybe that is who she is naturally or maybe she has developed a tough skin after more than three decades of conservatives lobbing everything and anything at her, even if the accusation is half insane. There is just something about her people don’t want to like. I don’t know. She is a lot of things, but a shaved orangutan is not one of them. I understand the fears of my conservative brethren. She is going to have the most liberal administration… Wait, the Bernie bros hate her because she is such a moderate, someone tied to the movers and shakers of the economy and a war hawk to boot. Bernie Sanders showed what a real liberal is and Hillary Clinton, it turns out, is not it. Still, I am with you my Fox loving friends. Hillary Clinton might give us the most moderate administration ever. Oh, the horror, the horror. I know, I know, you just cannot tell what she will do if she got into office. You have told me your nightmares. I fear to even think of it. Dogs sleeping with cats. Down is up. Up is down. Everyone forced to wear old lady pantsuits. I just wish there was someway we could see what a Hillary White House might be like. So, the American people could know the true evil of this woman and how she would wreck this country. Something like a Star Trek holodeck, but real. If there was only a way. You know, a reality where she was making decisions in the White House. A reality where American people were told that they would be getting “two for one.” This reality certainly would not be marked by the longest economic expansion in American history, that created 22 million jobs, the highest percent of home ownership, the lowest unemployment rate in the last 30 years, education standards raised, the GI bill expanded, the lowest crime rate in over 26 years, 100,000 more cops on the streets, the low est teen pregnancy rate in six decades, the smallest welfare rolls in two decades, and converted the largest deficit in United States history into one of the biggest surpluses. It is a good thing the Democrats don’t have a reality like that to point to or the American people might just release that wild woman into the Oval Office. If she could point to being called a “co-president” during that kind of economy, a stronger economy than any modern Republican president has given us, if the American people felt secure in their jobs, they might not care if they “like” or “want to have a beer” with her. If the bacon is on the table, who would care about a private email server THAT NO ONE HACKED? Thank god she was not a decision maker in an economy like that. I heard she is a murderer. Bill and her have killed around 100 people over the years. Although, if she was a murderer, you would think the Washington D.C. police would be fishing a skeleton wearing a blue dress and a beret out of the Potomac River right about now. There is this whole being secretly sick thing. Can’t be too careful about that, even those her opponent is two years older than her and so morbidly obsese that I am pretty sure his heart is probably pumping pure butter. Still, she is a woman, need I say more, and does not have a personal physician that looks like he blazed a couple Thai sticks while you were in the waiting room, like amazing healthy and huge handed Donald J. Trump. (Every time I see The Donald’s doctor I suspect the Coen brothers are making a sequel to The Big Lebowski and The Dude has gone to med school.) Hillary Clinton is secretive, sometimes standoffish, occasionally pricklish, and probably could not give an inspirational speech if her life depended on it, but she is not a shaved orangutan. Never before in the history of this country has the leadership of a major party turned their back on their candidate for the presidency of the United States. All but one party nominee for the presidency since 1988 stayed away from their national convention. For the first time in memory, a major party chairman, Reince Priebus, had to threaten to end the careers of any major office holder that did not endorse Donald J. Trump. And still, many major office holders to even count refused to attend. This is not a Girl Scout troop. This is a party known for the southern strategy. They invented the October surprise. Almost every dirty and underhanded trick you can think of, from Willie Horton to swift boating, to the birther movement they perfected, and Donald J. Trump exceeded them. It is like a bunch of cannibals upset over someone else’s table manners. Trump has said things on the campaign trail that Archie Bunker could not have gotten away with in an episode of “All In The Family.” It can be painted over by saying that he is not politically correct, but a lot of what he has said was never correct. He has demeaned women, insulted the handicaped, openly used almost every one of George Carlin’s seven words on stage, openly encouraged the use of physical violence, talked about his penis size, and flip- flopped on issues so often that even John Kerry and Mitt Romney would have gotten whiplash. Trump has thrown out conspiracy theories like hand grenades and implied that the electoral system is fixed if he does not win. When Ted Cruz, the last Republican to stand up to him, a man Trump implied that his father was involved in the Kennedy assassination, returned to the Senate, he was given a standing ovation. This is a man who it has been said, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you,” and that is by his fellow Republicans. They cheered him because Trump is so repugnant. Donald J. Trump has lifted the rock of racism and let all the little creepy crawlies of the dark side of the American psyche loose. The Klan and other white supremacists like the cut of his jib and feel he is the first major party candidate to represent their ideals in decades. He is a shaved orangutan. It is not name-calling if it is true. Hillary Clinton has spent almost $80 million in television ads while Trump has spent extremely little. She has set up an amazing campaign infrastructure while The Donald has left what used to be considered the bread and butter of politics to the RNC to run. It just does not interest him. Secretary Clinton has made very few mistakes while the orange one makes gaffs almost everyday that would have cost other politicians their careers. Yet, it is tied, which is amazing considering that he has offended almost every minority community possible. It should be a blow out. Walter Mondale should be doing a jig because at least he did not get smoked as bad as The Donald should. Instead it could go either way. It is not a lesser of two evils campaign, but a capable, but flawed candidate against a shaved orangutan. The two are not equal. Still, it is like nothing Trump or Hillary could say or do is going to change anyone’s opinion. If Typhoid Mary came back from the dead and ran as a Republican, most GOP voters would go, “Well, I know she has that whole spreading Typhoid thing going on, but she does make a mean bowl of soup.” In the end it will all come down to whether young people get out to vote. This is a group of individuals that came out in 2008 and 2012 to ensure Obama’s victories, but vanished in the off year elections and then pouted when the president was not able to give them everything he promised because the Republicans regained control of almost everything else. I think the country will survive a Trump presidency if it should happen, but the real question will be what does it say about the American people.